Life's Imponderables.

For three things the earth is perturbed, Yes,  for four it cannot bear up: For a servant when he reigns, A  fool when he is filled with food, A hateful woman when she is married, And a maidservant who succeeds her mistress. Proverbs 30:21 - 23

Life's Great Conundrums -
  Mysteries in life which defy explanation; things which should never be; - but yet are.

In Proverbs 30:21 we find four of life's imponderables. Inscrutable things which are difficult to understand; situations in life which are difficult to tolerate; inequities in life which are hard to contemplate; circumstances which defy reason; things which should never be - but yet are.

Proverbs says: "For three, or rather four things, the earth is disquieted. One of them is when a hateful or hated woman is married. The earth trembles because of an odious woman who finds a husband. A society is thrown into upheaval when a woman has a husband, and still feels lonely and unloved.

Too many couples do not share a common vision of their future together. And that is so tragic. But this day can be a new beginning for you.

The text affirms that the earth is disquieted; a community goes into upheaval when a hated woman is married.. An odious woman when she finds a husband. There are two various interpretations which Bible Scholars ascribe to this proverb. Either is relevant and applicable herein.

The first is a married woman whom everybody hated.

She had a bad reputation among the people: nobody liked her. Now she is married - someone selected her; He gave his ring; he gave her his name; and gave her a home - She is now somebody's darling! Now nobody is like her; she has got status in society - she's Mrs. Brown - now they cannot push her around. They can't ignore her anymore, like they used to before. She is cutting style. She is out to show them now: she is mistress. She now has to make up for all those years she's been put down, run down, and let down. Now, she's out to show them.

If you think she had an attitude before, you haven't seen anything yet. She is on the war-path now - and nobody is going to escape her sights. She is out to get revenge. This is world war III - she has a scorched earth policy.
Do you know anyone like that?

The proverb says: "The earth trembles and is discomfited when a hated woman finds a husband.

  So you see; in this exalted, dignified and beautiful position of being married, and being loved; at this wonderful stage of her life; in this lofty and noble estate of holy matrimony; with lots of honey and darling; and being covenanted with another; when she should be happy, healthy and wholesome, as expected, and most natural; she is mad at the world. She is pouting, pitiful, and petulant. She's restless and remorseful; bent on revenge.

Whereas she should be happy, contented and satisfied, eagerly focusing all her time, treasure and talents on being with; and loving her new husband; but no, still this lofty estate has not brought her the satisfaction and peace it should have brought - and that is most natural to expect. - Lord, have mercy!  -- Proverbs 25:24 says it is better to live in the corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.......

Let's now turn our attention to the second interpretation Bible scholars give to this proverb.

To begin with, marriage indicates love, warmth; caring acceptance and beautiful intimacy. To be married then, implies emotional, physical and psychological security.

But wonder of all wonders; and marvels of marvels then, and surprise of all surprises is, to be married - and where all these virtues are to be expected and accepted, most naturally; to find, lo and behold, that person still feels unloved. It does not compute. It isn’t right. That's the pits - right there.

When a woman is married. When a woman attains to the standard of being Mrs; being chosen, selected, accepted and protected; and she still isn't emotionally, physically and psychologically satisfied with her life, a home is thrown into chaos; children are confused; and a community is traumatized; . Lord, have mercy!

A man may love his wife very dearly, and sincerly try to communicate his love to her; and yet she feels– for whatever reasons there are:  perhaps her nature, nurture or her culture – she stills feels rejected, lonely and unloved.  It just isn't right!  Something goes drastically wrong; right here!   Well did the famous poet say:   Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned; nor hell a fury like a woman scorned;  - Lord have mercy!
The foundations of a community, a society buckles under, when a hated woman, is married, says the proverb.

We all marry with great expectations and much anticipations of personal fulfillment. This is the one who will fulfill my life, make me happy, give my life much personal fulfillment, give my life so much meaning, and make my dreams come true.    And because men and women are so different in their personalities, we often awake to discover that our dreams have become a nightmare. Too often, this is so.

What do you do then when you experience raging storms upon the high seas of holy matrimony?
Well, many people bail out; throw out the life raft; they abandon ship, and head for what seems to be a safe harbor.  It is like the spouse who said: I was looking for the ideal; but my marriage is an ordeal; what I got is a raw deal; now I am looking for a new deal.

So, in her morose state, time and time again; year after year, she reaches for him, and finds he is not there. Feelings of loneliness, loss and revenge; a loss of identity, a sense of incompetency, stress, depression and other anxieties begin to fill her heart    Yet, he is indifferent to providing for his wife’s emotional needs.   As time goes by, she becomes increasingly angry, which drives him further into his workday world .   He is respected and successful there; and thereafter he is less accessible to his wife at home.

Studies have shown that the most important determinant of a woman's marital happiness is in her emotional engagement to her husband. A wife cares most about how affectionate and understanding her husband is, and how much quality time they spend together as a couple.

Many a man and woman may marry;  who are unhappy in themselves; and they marry to find happiness and fulfillment in another.   That's a bad prescription for happiness!   We ought to be wholesome and happy in ourselves first of all,  before we can make another whole.

Marriage represents such a drastic change in a person's life.   And so often when a person should be very attentive getting all the wisdom, understanding and preparation necessary for such a life-defining event, they are too distracted with unrealistic expectations and wide-eyed idealism.  .

So here she is: married and still unfulfilled!   So she nags, complains, cries, and attacks him for his failures – but to no avail.   And, could you imagine, the fighting, fussing and cussing which goes on in that home?  

How the children, growing up in this toxic enviroment, begin to internalize all this parental bitterness?  Could you imagine how their tender, impressionable lives are being scarred?  Could you imagine how the children are daily absorbing all this resentment, quarrelling, fighting and ill-will to spew this forth onto the next generation?

Because, from this unhappy woman in this troubled home, will issue forth the tragic circumstances and emotional ill-will which will mark generations yet unborn!
Can you see how a society is traumatized when an odious woman is married? 
In the process of time, resentment, frustration and alienation enter that marriage relationship.  Then she finally reaches a breaking point; withdraws into her own world; leaves him or may even find emotional security in the arms of another.

But in contrast to the foregoing, a healthy marriage includes knowing how to fight fair. There is a world of difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict in marriage.

In an unstable marriage, hostility is aimed at the partner's soft under-belly with comments like:  "You never do anything right."  "You are so stupid."  "Why did I marry you anyhow?"  These offensive remarks strike like a dagger at the very Heart of Your Mate's Self-Worth.  By contrast, healthy conflict is focused on the Issues which cause disagreement.  For instance:  "It upsets me when you say such an such to others in my presence."  Or, I feel helpless when you tell me I am always wrong. I feel hurt when you speak about my family in that way.

Can you hear the difference in these two approaches?  One assauts and is a personal attack on the dignity of your mate, whereas the other addresses the source of the conflict.
When couples learn this important distinction, they can work through their differences and disagreements with understanding; but without wounding, dishonoring and insulting each other.

Your words, actions, and passions ought to support and encourage each other. As we unselfishly give and sacrifice our own personal desires for each other, we make this world a warm and safe place for our mates and especially our children, in the midst of life's many challenges.

Often, we don´t realise that marriage is like two worlds colliding. It involves two people coming together, with disparities in their background, lifestyle, perspectives and commitments and being told:  "You both get along now."

Like tender plants, your marriage require time and patience, like anything else worthwhile in life. Yet millions of people would rather spend enormous amount of time on their vocation, daily habits or other personal pursuits, than chose to lovingly labor on the monument of Love.   Yet the fire of Love can be refueled and rekindled again by getting together and communicating from your heart with each other.

Take heart, dear friend:  From the barren twigs of winter will come the refreshing springtime of your life.  Trust God!
 

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The foregoing is a very brief excerpt from the six program series called:
"Life's Imponderables".   (Proverbs 30:21 - 23)
You may order the entire series by calling 416 333 4162.
God bless you.

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~ Please pray this prayer: I surrender to you. Purify me from sinful pride, resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, strife, and unbelief. Forgive me through Jesus' sacrifice. Thank you - I believe. Amen